All about meee
Mar. 18th, 2011 09:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
indiana_jDay 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 - Your first love
Up until last year, I sort of thought I was kind of broken when it came to the love department. I had had a few boyfriends over the years, plenty of crushes (I am a champion crusher) but never, really, been in a relationship and in love. And then Neil came along and it went both good and bad, as these things sort of go.
I had met Neil a few years ago through Amanda and Evan and I remember very clearly Amanda commenting that Neil was, essentially, catnip for women. He was cute, flirtatious, intelligent and we met at a RennFaire. Yeah, I'd say catnip was pretty accurate.
(Funny aside. Both Marissa and I thought he was cute but she, being adorable, told me to go for it and she'd step back. Of course I didn't go for it then but it was a story that amused Neil when we did start to date.)
I didn't seem him again until a party at A & E's place in the fall of 2009, where we decided to keep in touch this time and grab some coffee. Of course, when January came with a giant helping of disaster and grief, we finally managed to grab dinner in February or March of 2010. We'd see each other two more times over the next few weeks before I finally decided to go for it and ask him if he was interested.
I knew from Evan that Neil was notorious for not dating or being all that serious when it came to, well, anything really. And he pretty much told me the same thing - that he was attracted to me but wasn't looking for anything serious. And at the time, that was just fine - casual dating appealed heavily to me, as you get all the fun stuff without all the work, essentially.
The relationship lasted, surprisingly, about half a year. I have never had as much fun with anyone as I did with Neil. Our senses of humor were pretty much the same and we watched a lot of movies, hung out at each other's places, went on a lot of dates that involved finding really good places to eat and really good food. (And I did my first double date ever with A & E, which I still love to look back on.) He made me feel attractive and like I was the most awesome person on the planet.
The trouble, of course, came in about the fourth of fifth month when I realized I was falling in love with him. How could I not with how well I was being treated and how much fun I was having? But I was terrified, not only because it was this bizarre, mythical love thing but also because I knew that wasn't what he wanted, so I didn't say anything. But I'm not very subtle and Neil caught on pretty quickly and not long after, we had broken up.
Neil came into my life at a time when I needed him. 2010 was probably one of the worst years I have ever experienced in my adult life and, for six months, I had this wonderful, bizarre relationship but not boyfriend / girlfriend situation going on. And it made me realize two things:
1) I'm not damaged or screwed up, I can fall in love with the right guy - or the wrong guy, too.
and
2) Falling in love should only be terrifying in that "oh my god, is this love" way and never in that "Oh god, what if he finds out?". I don't regret a minute of the relationship but I think the next time, there shouldn't be that kind of barrier.
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment
Day 02 - Your first love
Up until last year, I sort of thought I was kind of broken when it came to the love department. I had had a few boyfriends over the years, plenty of crushes (I am a champion crusher) but never, really, been in a relationship and in love. And then Neil came along and it went both good and bad, as these things sort of go.
I had met Neil a few years ago through Amanda and Evan and I remember very clearly Amanda commenting that Neil was, essentially, catnip for women. He was cute, flirtatious, intelligent and we met at a RennFaire. Yeah, I'd say catnip was pretty accurate.
(Funny aside. Both Marissa and I thought he was cute but she, being adorable, told me to go for it and she'd step back. Of course I didn't go for it then but it was a story that amused Neil when we did start to date.)
I didn't seem him again until a party at A & E's place in the fall of 2009, where we decided to keep in touch this time and grab some coffee. Of course, when January came with a giant helping of disaster and grief, we finally managed to grab dinner in February or March of 2010. We'd see each other two more times over the next few weeks before I finally decided to go for it and ask him if he was interested.
I knew from Evan that Neil was notorious for not dating or being all that serious when it came to, well, anything really. And he pretty much told me the same thing - that he was attracted to me but wasn't looking for anything serious. And at the time, that was just fine - casual dating appealed heavily to me, as you get all the fun stuff without all the work, essentially.
The relationship lasted, surprisingly, about half a year. I have never had as much fun with anyone as I did with Neil. Our senses of humor were pretty much the same and we watched a lot of movies, hung out at each other's places, went on a lot of dates that involved finding really good places to eat and really good food. (And I did my first double date ever with A & E, which I still love to look back on.) He made me feel attractive and like I was the most awesome person on the planet.
The trouble, of course, came in about the fourth of fifth month when I realized I was falling in love with him. How could I not with how well I was being treated and how much fun I was having? But I was terrified, not only because it was this bizarre, mythical love thing but also because I knew that wasn't what he wanted, so I didn't say anything. But I'm not very subtle and Neil caught on pretty quickly and not long after, we had broken up.
Neil came into my life at a time when I needed him. 2010 was probably one of the worst years I have ever experienced in my adult life and, for six months, I had this wonderful, bizarre relationship but not boyfriend / girlfriend situation going on. And it made me realize two things:
1) I'm not damaged or screwed up, I can fall in love with the right guy - or the wrong guy, too.
and
2) Falling in love should only be terrifying in that "oh my god, is this love" way and never in that "Oh god, what if he finds out?". I don't regret a minute of the relationship but I think the next time, there shouldn't be that kind of barrier.
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment