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All about meee
Mar. 18th, 2011 09:13 amDay 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 - Your first love
Up until last year, I sort of thought I was kind of broken when it came to the love department. I had had a few boyfriends over the years, plenty of crushes (I am a champion crusher) but never, really, been in a relationship and in love. And then Neil came along and it went both good and bad, as these things sort of go.
I had met Neil a few years ago through Amanda and Evan and I remember very clearly Amanda commenting that Neil was, essentially, catnip for women. He was cute, flirtatious, intelligent and we met at a RennFaire. Yeah, I'd say catnip was pretty accurate.
(Funny aside. Both Marissa and I thought he was cute but she, being adorable, told me to go for it and she'd step back. Of course I didn't go for it then but it was a story that amused Neil when we did start to date.)
I didn't seem him again until a party at A & E's place in the fall of 2009, where we decided to keep in touch this time and grab some coffee. Of course, when January came with a giant helping of disaster and grief, we finally managed to grab dinner in February or March of 2010. We'd see each other two more times over the next few weeks before I finally decided to go for it and ask him if he was interested.
I knew from Evan that Neil was notorious for not dating or being all that serious when it came to, well, anything really. And he pretty much told me the same thing - that he was attracted to me but wasn't looking for anything serious. And at the time, that was just fine - casual dating appealed heavily to me, as you get all the fun stuff without all the work, essentially.
The relationship lasted, surprisingly, about half a year. I have never had as much fun with anyone as I did with Neil. Our senses of humor were pretty much the same and we watched a lot of movies, hung out at each other's places, went on a lot of dates that involved finding really good places to eat and really good food. (And I did my first double date ever with A & E, which I still love to look back on.) He made me feel attractive and like I was the most awesome person on the planet.
The trouble, of course, came in about the fourth of fifth month when I realized I was falling in love with him. How could I not with how well I was being treated and how much fun I was having? But I was terrified, not only because it was this bizarre, mythical love thing but also because I knew that wasn't what he wanted, so I didn't say anything. But I'm not very subtle and Neil caught on pretty quickly and not long after, we had broken up.
Neil came into my life at a time when I needed him. 2010 was probably one of the worst years I have ever experienced in my adult life and, for six months, I had this wonderful, bizarre relationship but not boyfriend / girlfriend situation going on. And it made me realize two things:
1) I'm not damaged or screwed up, I can fall in love with the right guy - or the wrong guy, too.
and
2) Falling in love should only be terrifying in that "oh my god, is this love" way and never in that "Oh god, what if he finds out?". I don't regret a minute of the relationship but I think the next time, there shouldn't be that kind of barrier.
( Day 3 - 30 )
Day 02 - Your first love
Up until last year, I sort of thought I was kind of broken when it came to the love department. I had had a few boyfriends over the years, plenty of crushes (I am a champion crusher) but never, really, been in a relationship and in love. And then Neil came along and it went both good and bad, as these things sort of go.
I had met Neil a few years ago through Amanda and Evan and I remember very clearly Amanda commenting that Neil was, essentially, catnip for women. He was cute, flirtatious, intelligent and we met at a RennFaire. Yeah, I'd say catnip was pretty accurate.
(Funny aside. Both Marissa and I thought he was cute but she, being adorable, told me to go for it and she'd step back. Of course I didn't go for it then but it was a story that amused Neil when we did start to date.)
I didn't seem him again until a party at A & E's place in the fall of 2009, where we decided to keep in touch this time and grab some coffee. Of course, when January came with a giant helping of disaster and grief, we finally managed to grab dinner in February or March of 2010. We'd see each other two more times over the next few weeks before I finally decided to go for it and ask him if he was interested.
I knew from Evan that Neil was notorious for not dating or being all that serious when it came to, well, anything really. And he pretty much told me the same thing - that he was attracted to me but wasn't looking for anything serious. And at the time, that was just fine - casual dating appealed heavily to me, as you get all the fun stuff without all the work, essentially.
The relationship lasted, surprisingly, about half a year. I have never had as much fun with anyone as I did with Neil. Our senses of humor were pretty much the same and we watched a lot of movies, hung out at each other's places, went on a lot of dates that involved finding really good places to eat and really good food. (And I did my first double date ever with A & E, which I still love to look back on.) He made me feel attractive and like I was the most awesome person on the planet.
The trouble, of course, came in about the fourth of fifth month when I realized I was falling in love with him. How could I not with how well I was being treated and how much fun I was having? But I was terrified, not only because it was this bizarre, mythical love thing but also because I knew that wasn't what he wanted, so I didn't say anything. But I'm not very subtle and Neil caught on pretty quickly and not long after, we had broken up.
Neil came into my life at a time when I needed him. 2010 was probably one of the worst years I have ever experienced in my adult life and, for six months, I had this wonderful, bizarre relationship but not boyfriend / girlfriend situation going on. And it made me realize two things:
1) I'm not damaged or screwed up, I can fall in love with the right guy - or the wrong guy, too.
and
2) Falling in love should only be terrifying in that "oh my god, is this love" way and never in that "Oh god, what if he finds out?". I don't regret a minute of the relationship but I think the next time, there shouldn't be that kind of barrier.
( Day 3 - 30 )