Oh god, I can't stop

[indiana_j]

ME3, e-mails between Shepard and Joker, spoilers for the start of the game.  (Last one, has to be, because I have to work.)



From: [Moreau, J]
To: [Shepard, J]

Commander, what the hell did you just do?

~

From: [Shepard, J]
To: [Moreau, J]

Nothing much, pulled a few strings, cashed in some favors.  You breathing free air yet?

~

From: [Moreau, J]
To: [Shepard, J]

"Nothing much"?  Hell, Shepard, I was one of the few people who actually signed up with Cerberus.  Pretty sure the brass couldn't wait to string my brittle ass up.

Oh, yeah, sure, free air.  Smells like unicorns, puppies and spring time.

Actually, that's just the exhaust fumes.  Parked outside the Normandy in the hopes they'll let me in without an armed guard.

~

From: [Shepard, J]
To: [Moreau, J]

They would have made you sweat, Joker, but everyone knows you're one of the best pilots around and one of the only ones who knows that ship the way you do.  They can't afford to throw you in the brig..

No, they probably would have gotten you up on some charges, re-enlisted you instead of throwing you in jail, busted you down a few levels, and stuck you in the pilot's chair but made it be on their time and their orders.

~

From: [Moreau, J]
To: [Shepard, J]

In other words, not dead or drummed out but the Alliance's pilot bitch?

Oh, gee, thanks Commander, that makes me feel so much better.  Sometimes it feels like I was born to fly the Normandy but only if you're the one calling the shots on deck, Shepard.

~

From: [Shepard, J]
To: [Moreau, J]

Aw, who knew you were such a softie?

~

From: [Moreau, J]
To: [Shepard, J]

I hate you so much.

And soft, hell, more like pragmatic.  I know what's coming and I'm not about to fly into the reach of a Reaper with anyone else but you.

And about a million of your friends but, mostly, you.

~

From: [Shepard, J]
To: [Moreau, J]

I hear they're going to refit the Normandy - you able to keep an eye on them?  I put a lot of time and resources into building her, I'd hate to see them strip something just because it was flying Cerberus colors.

~

From: [Moreau, J]
To: [Shepard, J]

Don't worry, Commander, EDI and I have it under control.

~

From: [Shepard, J]
To: [Moreau, J]

Shit, EDI.  How they reacting to her?

~

From: [Moreau, J]
To: [Shepard, J]

Oh, you know, the same anyone would to a VI system.  One who only responds to me.

~

From: [Shepard, J]
To: [Moreau, J]

You're a brilliant bastard when you want to be.

~

From: [Moreau, J]
To: [Shepard, J]

Glad someone's finally recognized that fact.

Also glad that you aren't freaking out that I've managed to get an AI to figure out how to lie.

(Uh, this is a secured channel, right, Commander?)

~

From: [Shepard, J]
To: [Moreau, J]

Well, if any AI unit can lie, glad it's EDI and glad she's on our side.

And, yeah.  Technically it's being watched but Anderson's the one doing it.  Don't know how he managed to pull that one off but there you have it.

~

From: [Moreau, J]
To: [Shepard, J]

... Commander, Anderson likes me, right?

~

From: [Shepard, J]
To: [Moreau, J]

As much as anyone does.

(And stop calling me Commander.)

~

From: [Moreau, J]
To: [Shepard, J]

Shit.

(Just because some brass monkeys stripped you of the title doesn't make you not a Commander, Commander.)

~

From: [Shepard, J]
To: [Moreau, J]

Ass.

~

From: [Moreau, J]
To: [Shepard, J]


You know you love me.