I hit a pretty bad patch these past few days - that week off, staycation that looked so great five weeks ago seemed to be a horrible idea when practiced. Monday and Tuesday, I just skulked around the house (the Sears guy came to fix the stove; *sigh* he ordered the wrong part and he'll have to come back next week), playing Dragon Age II and watching long stretches of nothing - i.e., thank you TV for having hours long marathons of shows I can put on in the background. I just felt kind of miserable by the time I went to bed last night (it didn't help that Sadie barked from her crate from 8 am until 10 that morning, when I finally got fed up and got out of bed).
I woke up to no barking, thanks to my dad shutting their door and mine before leaving, and when I checked the weather report, I saw it was going to be 84 degrees today. That decided me - I was up and out of the house by 10 am. I went and visited Heather's graveside for a bit and then headed to the pick your own orchid that's about 15 minutes past that; it's actually owned by the same folks who own the graveyard. Sadly, their peach season had ended about a week or two ago but I picked a bag full of apples and bought some cheese.
My next thought was to go to Pearmund Winery but decided that was a bad, bad idea on a completely empty stomach. I hit up Claire's at the Depot for lunch (shrimp and gouda grits in an andouille sausage and lobster cream sauce and the berry crumble with vanilla gelato) and realized that if I tried to do Pearmund, I'd be putting too much in one day. And that I could always go on Friday. I decided to alter the plan and went to Peeple's to pick up a few shirts and some shoes. Really, I needed to find a new pair of black flats replace the ones I've worn to almost nothing but also needed to get a pair of shoes to wear to a friend's (thankfully) casual wedding on Sunday morning. I got both; they were having a BOGO 1/2 off sale and I had a 20% off coupon, so that was nice.
Generally, I feel like I'm just going through the motions but I'm hoping that by making myself actually go through those motions, I'll get to a point where it's not just something that I'm doing without caring/thinking but I'm doing because I'm enjoying them. I will say that getting out, getting into the sun, and doing things today did help. I know I'm depressed right now but I have to take things a day at a time and acknowledge when I need to do something or when sitting at home is what I need. Boxing myself up when I need to be out will only make myself feel worse.
Now to nap and respond to email...
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