Apr. 12th, 2013 06:16 pm
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As a treat after a very rough week, I walked into town for a drink or two and dinner. A 5 minute walk and I'm seated, with cider, and waiting for my angus / short rib burger.

I've done the walk in with parents but this is my first time on my own. It's ... Really nice. Really really nice. I have two bakeries, a library, 6 restaurants and a number of shops all within a 5-ish minute walk.

Obviously I need to watch my spending since I now have rent and a cable bill but I'd like to establish a routine. Being a regular makes me happy and most of the places aren't horribly pricey. Once a week seems pretty okay.

I need to set routines in general. Life is all over the place right now and routines will make me feel a lot better.

Until then, short rib burger will have to do. And cider!

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That's three nights in a row that I've ended up drugged but wide awake until about 2 a.m.  It seems the sleeping pills can counter everything - up to a point.  And that point is that my body is now completely rejecting this whole 'sleep on a couch' thing I've been doing since I first moved in.

I'm buying an air mattress tonight and just eating the cost.  I figure the thing will come in handy in the future, anyway, either when I visit people or people visit me.  I just can't keep sleeping on the couch and it'll be at least another week or more before whatever I buy as a bed gets delivered (hopefully making the purchase this Saturday) - I'm about ready to keel over and I'm pretty much running on irritation and Diet Coke at this point.

An air mattress kind of sounds like heaven right now.

Hard day

Apr. 1st, 2013 03:46 pm
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Heather's headstone was put into place without us realizing it, so we got - quite a shock on Saturday morning. (Look, it was probably a weird request for dad to ask that we be notified and be there for when it was delivered but they said 'yes' so it would have been nice to know...)

I compartmentalize really well and kept more of my reaction in than I would have as we were doing things after. It hit pretty hard last night, this feeling that it's really real and there's no waking up from this and carried through today.

I've lived with this for almost 8 months now - and, still, a part of me hadn't processed it. Still hasn't really. So I'm sitting here at Buzz, trying desperately to pull myself together before dinner with Nick and AJ, and wondering why I can't just find a cave to go and hibernate in for the next - year.

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Sitting at the Sea Pearl, waiting on Katherine and Brian, with Prosecco. Today was - really rough at work so I indulged in retail therapy. Tiny box of chocolates (one has scotch in it!), new perfume, two headbands and the most adorable scarf.

Owls. It has owls on it.

Also flirted outrageously with the butcher that just opened his shop - he's set aside some gorgeous cuts of steak that I'm picking up after dinner.

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Mar. 26th, 2013 08:10 pm
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You know, I was going to say something about how work has gone completely insane but I cannot get over how freaky the basement is here.

Straight out of The Shining freaky. Basements have always kind of freaked me out but this one wins the award for nightmare inducing.

Stairs almost giving way (or so it felt), dark and dingy, random buckets, dark corners, weird equipment ... D: never. Again.

(Don't judge me. Basements are where stalkers, snakes, spiders and possibly Gene Simmons hide in corners, waiting to jump out at you.)

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It's - a little weird.  In all the time living outside of my parents house, I had never gotten my own place.  Being in your 20s and, especially, in this area, it's pretty normal but the fact that I have this place all to myself now is sometimes a little overwhelming.  I have complete control over how the apartment will look, how I use it and also the care of it, too.

There was a space of time, about four or five months, between when Frito moved out west and when I moved into the Maryland house, that I had the apartment in Dumfries to myself.  It wasn't the greatest of experiments but, emotionally, I don't think I was ready for it and I was living in an area that was really not great - I ended up hermiting pretty badly, really throwing myself into WoW and other things without doing much outside of the apartment except for visiting my parents and seeing Ben on occasion.

I think, I hope, this'll be different.  I see a ton of people on a regular basis from the DC area and my parents are much closer.  I am within walking distance of a number of shops, restaurants and two bakeries.  I am, generally, a pretty different person than I had been in my early to mid-twenties.

I am a pretty social person, so the one thing that'll be interesting / a challenge, is learning to be okay with being by myself.  I'm pretty sure I'll figure it out but, when I have tough days (I cried when I swept today, thinking of Heather and the fact that when I have those moments, I'm alone now), I can call or e-mail or drive to someone.


Ugh, sleep sofa shopping today was kind of rough.  Thanks to the layout of the apartment, it'll look better if I have something like that as oppose to a bed in the bedroom as people would be going into the kitchen when visiting.  A sofa bed will allow me to sleep on something not a couch but hide the bed aspect when I have visitors or need more room.  Of course, generally speaking, most sofa beds suck as they aren't made for someone to sleep on them constantly - most are made to encourage visitors to, you know, not stick around.

The first two stores were a complete bust (one had a thing to make it a weird inflatable mattress but my feet hungover, sooo...) but I think we finally found something at the third one.  *sigh*  It's expensive but nowhere near as expensive as buying a bed and the little daybeds were kind of strange looking.  Nothing's been purchased but I'm pretty sure I'll be going with the one in the third store.  They actually made it to be comfortable.

Shocking, I know.


So, emotional things aside, some of the things I love about this place:

a. It's so quiet!  For being right on the main street and for being on the ground floor, the apartment is amazingly quiet.  I hear people when they walk into the house and up the stairs and occasionally someone walking around, but that's it.  I've seen it through the workweek and two weekends and no one seems, *knock on wood*, to feel the need to blast rap music at stupid hours of the morning.

b. Yeah, I have to pay for laundry again but they only charge 75 cents a load, which is such a change from the $2+ a load we were paying at the apartment in Alexandria.  I just have to remember to save my quarters now ...

c. Oh god, it's so walkable.  I ducked out last Monday to go to the bakery to get dad and I something to eat and I was back in 10 minutes with food.  Ben and I walked to the pub and it took, what, 5 minutes?  (I have no problem walking around Warrenton when it's light but I won't be doing much of it one dark hits.  It's pretty safe but there have been some moments that it wasn't, so best to play it safe when I'm by myself.  So no late night pub crawls unless I'm with someone!)

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I was going to write about apartment life and emotions but no!

I found the Holy Grail of drink! Gin and prosecco with a twist of line. I am in love. (Dinner with the folks was a lot of fun tonight. Lots of laughing and hilarity.)

Later, something more in depth. Now, sleep.

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I got approved for an apartment today!  I went and looked at the Warrenton Main Street one this morning and I just fell in love with it.  It also helped that they dropped the price by a little over $100, so with the cat fee and a $50 house fee (it covers things like trash, snow removal, lawn care), the total price for rent, utilities and that is under the original price.  I am very happy.

Some pics behind the cut.

Pictures! )

So, it is quirky.  The bedroom area is where the kitchen is (there's a wall but once you step past it, hello bedroom), so we're working on some ideas on how to make it work.  I'm pretty sure the best thing might be to go and find the comfiest sofa bed so that when I have guests, bed disappears and I have more seating.  The other one is that there are only two closets - the tiny one in the kitchen and a fairly large one in the living room.  I'll probably use the one in the living room for clothes but I'll need to look into buying a dresser or wardrobe.

:D  I am in love.  There's more than enough space for me, it's two blocks down from the start of the shops and restaurants (in fact, the first one is Great Harvest Bakery, my favorite bakery), I can afford it and still put money away, it's close to my parents and close to the cemetery, gets me off the windy back roads and cuts my commute down by at least 20 - 25 minutes each way.

I get the keys on Friday, so I'm going to be making a LOT of decisions very soon.  I don't have a deadline for moving out (good thing for living with the parents!) but I do want to live in the place that I'm paying for.

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I'm scheduled to see an apartment in Gainesville on Saturday; it's a 2 bedroom, 2 bath for a little under $1,300 a month with a not horrible per month pet fee.  It'll be about 40 minutes away from work and 40 minutes away from my parents (an hour from the cemetery which, right now, is still very important as I like to visit every other weekend at the very least).  It's also literally behind Bonefish Grill, a block away from Wegmans and is right on the main road that I take to get to work. It's available on 4/8.

I've also put in an inquiry about an apartment on Main Street in Warrenton that's about $1,100, with all utilities included, for a one bedroom, furnished (er, I hope I can get them to unfurnish it), and is about two blocks down from where all the shops and restaurants are.  It would cut my commute down by about 20 - 30 minutes.  It's available now.

On paper, both of them have perks - the 2 bedroom has a ton more space and is much closer to work / friends without being horrible far from family but is about $200 more.  The 1 bedroom is closer to family while still shaving off some commute time, is cheaper than the other one but doesn't cut the commute down horribly and, well, furnished. o.O

12:30 this Saturday to see the first one and I'm waiting to hear back about the second one in Warrenton, though I'm hoping for 4:30 on Monday.  One of the perks of living with my family is that I am not pressured to take something I don't like / feel comfortable with because a lease is ending.  The April availability seems better to me as it gives me plenty of time to get ready to move while also getting it out of the way before May and June with their weddings comes rolling around.

Honestly, I'm hoping for an easy process - I'd like something to go smoothly.

Edit:  Yep, they got back to me and dad and I will be viewing the Warrenton apartment on Monday.  They also have no problem with leasing it to me without furniture.  *cheers*
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While full power is out thanks to snow, we DO have a generator. So most of the lights work (not my room of course), the fridge is fine and, even though the heating unit can't run on the generator, the pellet stove can. So we have food, lights and a fire - we're doing better than people in the city, actually!

Facebook and LJ will load through 3G but not gmail. I foresee a lot of reading, sleeping and board games today. Not bad for the middle of the work week!

Me in my sexy Russian hat (under a hoodie) after I'd shoveled and wheeled out the generator.

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Oh my god, I was going to post about how worn down I was - mostly physically but some emotional wearing down - and some really heavy stuff but I can't help but laugh (and cry a little bit) right now.

I was saving a picture from FB of Heather and I so I could use it on my desktop - and when I did, everything turned pink!  All the borders for things like Firefox, Outlook, the database, they're all a dusky rose!  I've never seen anything like it and while I know it's the video card going haywire, the fact that it's pink ...

The date

Feb. 16th, 2013 09:50 am
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At least I looked pretty? Wasn't bad, just awkward and a little boring.

Still trying to decide if the problem was him (who should have been my type, look and personality) or me. -.-

I don't know - won't be surprised if I don't hear from him again and not too horribly upset if that comes true. Trying to not let my subconscious take this as a sign that I'm not dating material and just say it was a practice date.

At least I got to enjoy Buzz before hand, tons if compliments at work and then got a free dinner?

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Needless to say, you shouldn't use Valentine's Day as the only day to tell someone 'I love you', be it lover, friend or family.  I've always had a hard time communicating that to people who weren't immediate family, and sometimes even them, so I need to remember:

If I call you friend, if we've shared sorrow and joy, tears and laughter; if we've fought but not let that destroy our friendship; if I've cooked for you and you for me (lavish dinners and broiled cakes, all); if we've dropped everything at a moments notice to run for an emergency (burned hand or broken hearts); if we've bought dinner or drinks or whatever Just Because; promises of couch space, time, phone calls when they're needed most - space, when it's needed most; if we've laughed over things no one else would get (anime drinking games and roommate tales); if we've been together even when we've been apart ...

Then know I love you.

(Copy and pasted from FB, just because I'm that lazy.)


Feb. 13th, 2013 07:26 pm
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I normally post these on FB but don't feel like it tonight:

Me, texting dad: "Hey, I'm at the doctor's getting tested for Lyme's.  Don't know how late I'll be."
Dad, texting back: "Have them test 4 lycanthropy"

(Later, I said "What, you could spell out lycanthropy, correctly, but not the word 'for'?")

Dad: "So, *whispers* don't tell your mom, but I went out and got chocolate and flowers.  It's Valentine's Day tomorrow."
Me:  "Aww."
Dad: *still whispering* "Also, I'd be kind of killed if I didn't."

Ow my brain

Feb. 9th, 2013 10:13 am
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I hate when the almost perfect sleep (I only woke up twice instead of four or five times) is marred by headaches that I can only describe as heavy. Makes you feel as if you're brittle and one wrong move will just break you.

Some medication, a shower (which both hurt and felt good) and some breakfast helped. Maybe the cause was the fact that I hadn't eaten in almost 24 hours?

To be honest, I'm having more headaches lately and I probably need to get that checked out.

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Today has been very emotionally charged. Amanda and Marissa provided wonderful distraction this morning.

And then I had to pick up Sadie and throw her bodily into the car while visiting Heather at the cemetery as two very aggressive dogs came tearing across the ground at us. I don't have words but stark terror apparently grants me super speed and strength, who knew?

Stark. Terror. That was my sign to have my big cry if the day.

Now, numb and exhausted. Watched tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy finally and am finishing up The Men Who Built America. And I think it's time for wine.

God, I miss her.

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I can't believe it but 6 months has passed Heather since passed away.  My grief, the grief of our parents and Heather's friends is still with us. But I want to, at least for the month of February, turn my pain and anger into something positive.

So, I challenge you guys to post pictures of yourself (or your animals! She'd love that!) with something PINK (clothes, bookmark, cupcake, anything) and let me know that you've done it, by e-mail or any other way. For EVERY picture posted during the month of February, I will donate $25 to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation / JDRF.

I will keep a running tally and do reminders every weekend (and yes, I will be posting pictures of myself and donating for my own pictures). Feel free to repost older pictures, too, those count.

Remember: PINK for Heather for the month of February = $25 into the pocket of JDRF, an incredibly worthwhile organization. (Feel free to repost if you want - this is actually a public post.)
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So, I recommend not cooking when you're distracted and / or emotionally not there.  Because you end up going to unsheathe the uber sharp chef's knife - only to find out as you're running it along the fleshy bits between your thumb and finger that, hey, you already unsheathed the damned thing.

It's not a long cut but it's pretty deep, though thankfully I didn't add any Jen to the dinner I was making, but it hurts like a son of a bitch right now.  It's amazing to realize how many things you grip throughout the day.  And it could have been worse, much worse; nice to know those knives cut through just about anything with little effort ...

Les Mis

Jan. 16th, 2013 11:12 pm
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Just emotions or why I really should have used the bathroom during 'Empty Chairs and Empty Tables'. No spoilers, save that for tomorrow.

Brief, emotional reaction  )


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April 2016



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